I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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