I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
