There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
