you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
