if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
