Pappa wants mamma naked
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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