i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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