my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
