there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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