i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
