It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
