I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
