i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
