we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
