he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
