What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
