Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
