Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
