i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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