nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
