i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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