oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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