I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
