i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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