I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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