Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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