I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
