I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Buhtt sex?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
