Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
