Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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