Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
