dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
