my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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