I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
