She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Panties = found
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