Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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