Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
