Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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