I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
