We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
