We named our party play list daddy issues
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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