So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
