he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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