I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
