i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Randomize
