i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
