I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
