So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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