Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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