there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
