He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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