I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
